Thursday, April 7, 2011

Feeling Inadequate...

Lately I have been feeling inadequate in sooo many ways....
Not thin enough and out of shape, don't cook wonderful meals often enough or much at all lately, not parenting my kids correctly=too much yelling and unacceptable behavior, not enough play and learning with the kids, house is never clean...much less unpacked or decorated, sewing room is not walk through-able... which is stifling my creativity=not creative enough, blog and shoppe not where I want them to be= not successful enough, not organized enough=piles and projects everywhere, not getting enough done=staying up late to get some things done=TIRED.  

It all seems like a vicious circle and not sure how to fix it.  I want to be the type of person who makes their bed daily, who's house is decorated perfectly and CLEAN, who plays with their kids and helps them learn and teaches them to be wonderful caring people, who makes amazing things and has a wildly successful blog/shoppe, who cooks amazing meals daily and.....  I want to look fashionable and thin while doing it all.

Are my expectations unrealistic? Do I need to quit napping? Quit watching tv?
Anyone have the answers... because I sure would love to know what they are.  


13 comments:

Savvy in San Francisco said...

Welcome to Motherhood! I think we all go through that on a daily basis! Don't worry...you are doing the best that you can and you can work on it, but piece by piece. Don't overwhelm yourself with a laundry list of things that need to change! Change one at a time! Your are a fantastic mother, wife and friend! You should never feel inadequate!!! XOXOXO

Darian said...

Though I claim not to be a virtuoso of life-nor of any sort-I thought I'd share some observations I've made from many, many friends (myself included) who have been brazened by the same disquiet of mind:
Start small. Try making the bed every (or most) mornings. Fluffing the pillows and tucking everything tight is not necessary, but pull the covers up. It's a start and, with time, it'll be a habit that will trickle into other areas of the home.
Little areas every day. Unpack one box, or sweep one room. Rome wasn't built in a day, and-unless you are a single person living in a studio-no entire house will be cleaned in one either.
Sleep. The less rested you are, the less motivated you are; and all the more cantankerous.
Remember-the more perfect the mom, the bigger the secret she's hiding. No one is perfect; not even Martha Stewart.
Find your calm. Tap into your inner chakra. Get into the zone. Shout mantras to the heavens. However you wish to phrase it, just find it, and do it. Even if it's stopping everything for 7 minutes and 24 seconds to listen to your "everything is going to be alright" song (RE: Ludovico Einaudi's "Primavera," if you need a launching point).

And lastly, I seem to recall someone posting only a day or two ago about wearing clothing articles from the "skinny box." Wasn't that someone you, lass?

Sarah said...

I think this is just how it is when you have small kids sometimes. It passes.

Lisa said...

Meh... you can always clean later. :)

Actually, I go in streaks. I am trying to do some spring cleaning right now because my ENTIRE HOUSE was not walk-through-able. Don't be too hard on yourself. Do your kids have full bellies? Do they have clothing on? It's all good. :)

Wendy @ Ramblings from the Sunshine State said...

Oh I know EXACLTY how you feel. I could have written this post. I wish I had the magic answers too but I don't. :( I've been out of work since June & I'm sure that doesnt help. ((HUGS)). You arent inadequate, you are a great mom!!

Tasha Riley said...

Do those people really exist?? I think we all do our best. I know I am not the best house keeper and definitely slacking on the meals....but I try and think if the kids are having fun, being kept clean, learning a little each day, then that is the best I can do!

Heidi said...

I'm really struggling with this too, Jen. I feel like I get NOTHING done all day long and it's driving me nuts! I will freely admit that I waste too much time catching up on my Google Reader--it's an escape, and it's just so much easier to read about other people doing the things I want to be doing then trying to do them myself!

We both still have little kids at home and that is really hard. If I'm lucky, I get about 2 hours per day to myself. In which I have to fit any hobbies, reading, naps, movie watching, and some cleaning projects I can't do with the kids around. That is not very much time per week and I always have far more to do than I can fit in such a small window.

I'd love to be able to get up at 6 am and get some things done before the kids get up at 6:30 or 7:00 but it's just not happening. I'm staying up too late at nights because I'm just enjoying the QUIET but I pay for it in the morning!

I guess all we can do is our best right? Except I don't feel like I'm doing my best right now, so if I ever find the magic cure I'll be sure to share with you. ;)

Amy, a redeemed sheep said...

I came back to see if you had any responses...I know i could use the help, too...

Hope your day is filled with joy!

Wonderfully Sew Knit said...

You could be ALL of that...or you could be normal. Why not pick one thing from that list and be really good at "it" ? When you've mastered that move onto the next one.

Remember everything is not always as it seems...a person can only see what the other person lets them. That perfect woman you described may have a cheating husband or is hooked on pain killers...so she has to keep the rest looking good so people don't find out the truth.

Colima said...

If it makes you feel any better, I don't even have kids and my house is never perfectly clean! LOL No one can have everything....and I think you are doing a great job! I agree with the advice from the other ladies, start small - you can't eat an elephant in one bite! And, from the pics you've been posting lately you look fabulous! Not everyone who has had 4 kids looks even remotely as cute as you! Just sayin.

junkateer said...

you need Sarah to come and organize your sewing room to get your creative juices flowing...

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I don't know anyone that feels like they put together and doing everything they want. We all want to be perfect but perfect doesn't exist (sadly lol)

Seeker said...

It's interesting, I was just searching online because I just suddenly felt inadequate. It's when the business subsides...My son's napping..and I am trying to have a nap because I didn't sleep the night before and it just hits me. The frustration I feel, the loneliness at times, it comes back to my deep down realization of my feelings of indadequacy. That's why my irribility rises when I think about the kitchen and the spare room and the all the other areas of my house that need to be organized. Because it is just one more thing that is telling me- you aren't good enough. And I think its a lie. We place demands on ourselves that aren't meant to be there. We compare ourselves to people who are even more anxiety ridden and neurotic than we are, trying to be even more perfect. And does that really lead to more peace and contentment? (to me happiness comes and goes- but contentment is the goal). I highly doubt it. I think what really needs to happen is that I need to make some peace with myself. Really love and accept myself with my flaws and my lack of...creativity, passion, organization etc. etc. and just let myself be who I am. And get what I can done without the overwhelming pressure on me. Thanks for posting...too many of us feel these pressures. It's time to sit still and make peace with ourselves and be a little more gentle on ourselves.